Weekly War Bulletin, 18 Sep

This week, a report by Professor Obvious, commissioned by the Department for Transport, found that Motorists feel a great sense of entitlement to the road and will throw their toys around when they don’t get what they think they’re owed.  Like the van driver who cut out in front a cyclist, threw a bottle when the cyclist pointed out the quality of the driving on show, and subsequently got fined because it was all on film.  This last development is likely to alarm the readers of the Daily Mail who, usually so keen to dictate how others should behave, are getting rather worried about Sussex police’s plans to Big Societise traffic policing, with the public encouraged to report each-other’s bad behaviour on the road.

George Michael “gasped” when told he was to be locked up for a mere four weeks, having admitted getting wasted on what the BBC delightfully describes as “cannabis cigarettes” and driving his three ton truck around central London — by pure good fortune crashing it into a Snappy Snaps before he could drive it into a person.  We share your astonishment, George.

Two young offenders have fled detention on their cycle proficiency bikes.  Their choice of getaway vehicle is yet more evidence, as though it were needed, that cyclists are selfish, anti-social, holier-than-thou, road-hogging pavement thieves.

RoadPeace are fighting against those in the “road safety” industry who will try to blame the deaths on our streets on anything — headphones, poverty, texting — except cars and drivers.

But: it turns out that breaking the speed-limit is officially morally OK after all, because the government lied about how likely you are to kill a child at 40mph.

And the London Cycling Campaign want to spend £20,000 on posters asking people nicely if they wouldn’t mind just being a bit safer when they drive their lethal vehicles around entirely inappropriate streets.

Permission to pave a cycle path in Putney Common is denied because of a rule that the area must be kept natural and free from human influence.  A3 dual-carriageway is exempt from that rule for obvious reasons.

Nobody uses TfL’s guided rides to work.

Mayor makes special arrangements for pampered director of centuries-old wealth-hoarding organisation to get driven around London without paying the CCharge.

Not really news, but the Telegraph has some impressively large contextless numbers on the copper-wire theft that is the cause of signalling failures.

This week saw the first casualty of note on a hire bike.  More interestingly, the Standard now seems to think that the hire bikes are known by a compound noun, “Borisbikes”.

The Campaign For Better Transport makes the dubious claim to have objectively measured the car-dependence rate of major British towns and cities, finding Nottingham least car-dependent, and Milton Keynes most car-dependent.

Lewisham, a borough seeking to cut its budget by 25% — £60m over 3 years — is having a laugh playing with fantasy Bakerloo Line extensions.

Billboard posters of woman in underwear will not cause car crashes.  That’s OK then.

Poor Brian Coleman, the Motorist’s friend in London, has had his taxi allowance cut.  What will he do next time he gets banned for speeding?

In a letter to Nature, biologists warn of plans to build a highway across the Serengeti: the road would cut the migration routes of large mammals like wildebeest, zebra and gazelle, and past experience says that this would be sufficient to cause a massive shift in the whole ecosystem of the park.  That’s The War Against The Motorist right there.

Finally, your moment of zen: 11foot8.com